Chaotic Bureaucracy
by drovenmad
Summary: Every now and again once of the four main gods of Chaos hosts a meeting. In these meetings the Gods discuss there plans and how they shall convert more of the galaxy to madness... in theory. In reality it simply devolves into Chaos. This time it is Nurgle's turn to host the meeting. (Rated T for Khorne)
1. Nurgle's Meeting Part 1

**DO NOT TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY**

**A/N:I came up with this idea with a friend, we were discussing the thoughts of what if the Chaos Gods held meetings to discuss their differences and how to best combat the forces of the Imperium.**

**On the note of my other Fictions, they will hopefully be updated soon :) please be patient.**

**Comment and tell me what you think of this, because it was definitely fun to write.**

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There was a slight creaking as the old man rocked back in his old wooden rocking chair. He looked about as old as he felt, his wispy hair long and white, face wrinkled and worn but his putrid yellow eyes were as bright as they had always been. For even though he was the God of Decay and Death, he was still a God and only appeared this way out of choice. Nurgle was never unhappy with his chosen appearance, in fact he quite enjoyed appearing they way he did. The room that he was sitting in was a personal favourite, it was styled after a cottage that he had seen in the mind of one of his followers many millennia ago. In the center of the stone floor was a large wooden table surrounded by several other wooden chairs. On the wall to his left was a stone fireplace that was currently crackling as the fire burnt away without a care, and through the door on the other side of the room there was another person seemingly working away doing something in what was the kitchen. Nurgle let out another grunt as he shifted the his weight on his chair, as much as this was his prefered form, he wished that he could remember how to transform into this appearance without suffering the ill effects of elderly age of the appearance.

There was another clattering from the kitchen, which sounded a lot like mortal pots and pans being rummaged about. Nurgle heard a gasp from the kitchen and another person appeared at the door. She was beautiful, her waist long blonde hair seemed to flow even in the stagnant air of the imaginary cottage. Her face was that of an angel, pale white skin and piercing purple eyes that could melt even the most hardened soldiers heart.

"Isha, my dear," Nurgle smiled as he looked at the much younger appearing Goddess, "Do you require some assistance."

"No, I am fine," Isha responded quickly, her tone stern and unfeeling before quickly returning into the other room with another sigh.

Nurgle was rather amused by the way she acted whenever the meeting was in his realm, every time she would stress herself out trying to impress through the use of mortal techniques. Nurgle could not understand her unwillingness to use her powers, and even though they shared a soft spot for mortals, Isha was much more vocal in her admiration of them.

Nurgle sat back in his seat, closed his eyes and began to rock backwards and forwards, enjoying the mundanity of the action, he could feel the entirety of his garden, the daemons moving within it. However his mundane and pointless action was interrupted by a loud, but rhythmic, wrapping on the fake wooden door. Opening his eyes to the door, Nurgle opened the door with a simple thought. Standing at the door was, what to Nurgle looked like a pink skinned version of Isha, though its hair was black and it was dressed in a much more revealing attire than Isha was.

"Glad you could make it Slanessh," Nurgle said, talking to the younger God in the most condescending tone that he could manage, and closing the door behind Slanessh as it entered the cottage.

"I would never miss out a meeting at your place, Father Nurgle," Slanessh said with a smile, before quickly making it's way towards the door that lead to the kitchen. "How else will I get to see my dear Isha."

As Slanessh disappeared through the door, there was a sudden scream from Isah. Nurgle shook his head, this happened every time Slanessh entered his realm, he was beginning to wonder why Isha did not simply hide when she knew this day was coming.

"Change does not come quickly to that one," A slippery voice said from nowhere, Nurgle looked back at the table, and was not at all surprised to find a figure sitting on the chair in front of the fire. The figure was covered in a long black cloak, none of face or skin could be seen.

"Tzeentch," Nurgle's voice and expression darkened as he sighted the Changer of Ways.

"Nurgle," Tzeentch responded with a similar tone. "Looking the same as always I see,"

"Whilst you never look the same,"

Before Tzeentch could respond there was a sudden roar from the outside, and Slanessh and Isha's heads popped round to door, Isha still looking rather distressed, to see what the noise was. There was another roar before the entrance to the cottage was blown completely off its hinges. Standing in place of the door stood a red skinned daemon with a gigantic smile on its face, it let out another large roar as it began to laugh. Slanessh and Isha had quickly disappeared back into the kitchen and out of sight. Tzeentch's body language suggest that he was amused by the over the top entrance by the blood-thirsty god. Nurgle took this brash entrance as a rather un-needed and was forced to stand up out of his comfy chair.

"KHORNE!" Nurgle shouted as the dust from the door settled, "Why can you never enter like a normal God."


	2. Nurgle's Meeting Part 2

**DO NOT TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY**

**A/N: Well here we are, the concluding part to Nurgle's meeting. I am thinking of continuing this with a series of short stories based around the funnier side of the Chaos gods and the way they act, I would love to know what people think of that idea? So please let me know.**

**Do enjoy reading this part ^_^ and of course, please review, and check out my other Warhammer work if you enjoy it.**

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The atmosphere inside Nurgle's fake cabin was still very sour as Nurgle finally convinced Khorne to sit down, without destroying the table. Khorne did not seem overly happy about being ordered about bit he did seem to listen to the older god and once he did it allowed Nurgle to reclaim his place on his nice and comfortable rocking chair. There was a small hiss of laughter that filled the air inside the cabin, slicing through the silence that had been brought by Khorne's sudden arrival and spat with Nurgle.

Nurgle looked around the table and was not surprised to see that the laughter was coming from Tzeentch. Nurgle did not like Tzeentch, if he was completely honest he did not like Slanessh or Khorne either, but he disliked Tzeentch the most. The Architect of Fate only appeared at these meetings when it suited him and never seemed to have much to say, and he refused to even host the meeting when it was supposed to be his turn.

Nurgle was also well aware that Tzeentch did not like him in return; they were after all two opposing forces and could never understand each other. Still Nurgle had always admired and begrudgingly respected the younger Gods master of sorcery, which he was currently showing off by playing with a large ball of concentrated psyker energy.

"Stop that you pathetic sorcerer!" Khorne shouted over the table, clearly unnerved by Tzeentch's use of magic.

Tzeentch did stop, but only after another one of his shrill and every shifting laughs cut through the air that filled the cabin. As he stopped Isha and Slanessh re-appeared, both carrying what looked like mortal metal trays, each one containing two different types of snacks. Isha walked over and placed her tray between Nurgle and Tzeenth, before taking her seat on a large comfortable chair behind Nurgle. Slanessh placed its tray between Khorne and itself, though it did so at arm's length, having no desire to get anywhere near the Blood God.

"Why have you summoned us Old Man?" Khorne asked, clearly getting impatient about the slow movement of the very world around him.

"The same reason that I always call these meetings," Nurgle answered, before taking a snack from the tray, a mold-ridden sandwich filled with a strange fungus that he grew in his garden, "To decide how to better to corrupt the Imperium of Man,"

"Oh, such a liar you are, Grandfather Nurgle," Tzeentch's voice rolled over the area, "Have you gotten soft with age,"

Nurgle cursed the Changer of Ways underneath his breath, it should have been obvious the reason that Tzeentch even attended the meeting, he knew what it was really about. Though this did not really come as a surprise to Nurgle, Tzeentch always knew what was going on, that was who he was and his knowledge was almost infinite.

"You summoned us because you feel that The Outcast is going to make a move," Slanessh said, one of its eyes turning to look directly at Nurgle whilst the other stayed planted on Isha.

"If this is true we must destroy him," Khonre shouted in his usual tone, Nurgle moved to interrupt before he started ranting about blood and the beauty of skulls, but Tzeentch beat him to it.

"Destroy him?" Tzeentch laughed as he said this, "You cannot simply destroy a god of Chaos, we are a force of nature, a concept of the mind if you will. Even I know of only one way to destroy a God."

"And what way would that be?" Nurlge enquired turning to face Txzentch with a eye of suspicion.

Tzeentch simply laughed again before lifting his arm and pointing it in the direction of the other end of the table, right at Slanessh. Slanessh who had only been paying very little attention to the actual direction of the conversation seemed rather surprised by the fact that it was suddenly the centre of attention.

"Slanessh can devour the very essence of another God," Tzeentch sat his arm back on the table, "However, that would not work on Malice, he is the manifestation of our own chaotic tendencies, and there is no way to destroy him, without destroying ourselves."

Nurlge had the strange feeling that Tzeentch was enjoying himself, as he always seemed to do when times like this approached. Nurgle remembered how happy Tzeentch had been when Slanessh had been born, however when Nurgle had asked why he was so happy that there was even more competition Tzeentch had laughed and simply replied with, 'Come now Nurgle, who often does one get to witness the birth of a god, and once you understand the birth understanding the death of that same creature becomes easier.'

Just like back then, and in fact all the time when he was around the Changer of Ways, the Lord of Decay had the strongest feeling that Tzeentch was planning something, something that would not be in the best interests of the other Dark Gods.


End file.
